me: *throws shade*
mom: pick it up now
my dad has a folder on his computer named Cool Dad and it’s just pictures of himself
"Sir do you realize you were going 110 miles per hour in a school zone?"
"Pretty impressive, huh?"
“out with the old, in with the new” i say as i replace my tampon
youre a boy
me as a parent
when you try your best
but you dont succeed
that was wild from start to finish
I STEPPED ON A FUCKING LEAF AND AT THE SAME TIME SOME KID SCREAMED I THOUGHT IT WAS THE FUCKIN LEAF OMG
why do we always have to reblog my mistakes
hey baby girl
I love sunglasses, am I looking at that tree? Am I staring at your dick? Who knows!
“NO HOMO” i scream at my dog Homo as he shits on the carpet
i made this up for notes i dont even have a dog
oh mY GOD ARE U SERIOUS
What a fucking cockblock