mom: don't eat the cookies yet, they just came out of the oven and are too hot
me: fire cannot kill a dragon


flannelbuttphenomenon:

life hack: get a tattoo. if the people at the job interview notice it and look concerned, laugh a little and explain “it’s just temporary.”  months later if your boss asks why you lied and said it was a temporary tattoo, stare off into the distance and whisper with a tremulous voice the poor excuse for truth your subconscious has been fighting for its entire insignificant existence: “everything is temporary.”


childservices:

*gets a 200 note post* *looks in mirror* fame changed you


zirastiel:

*cha cha’s real smooth away from academic responsibilities*


notahoe:

just another day of not being rich and famous


megasonger:

petecodes:

youeatadvillikeitscandy:

The ever intimidating graphics of the pre 2005 era

his wand is sticking out of his sleeve


howunpleasant:

friday at school i heard some girl in the hall way scream “FOR THE LAST TIME BITCH IM LESBIAN IM NOT TRYING TO STEAL YOUR BOYFRIEND HE SMELLS LIKE KETCHUP ANYWAYS”


perchu:

katara:

why are people so obsessed with “top or bottom” 

honestly im just excited to have a bunk bed


noelleybellie:

#boysincroptops2k14


radthur:

IM LOGGIN OUT


potatoandotherwise:

in math today my teacher asked what makes a number perfect and I said its dazzling personality and she almost kicked me out


agentcarolinainthemorning:

waluigiology:

i just figured out the perfect murder

kill someone and bury them in their own garden

that way if the police find them they’ll think it was a suicide

#welp looks like the victim committed suicide and promptly buried themselves in their garden #how considerate of them




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